It's been a while since my last post. Please accept my apologies as this was due to a sequence of major activities occurring in my life at the time, most importantly finishing and submitting my Masters thesis! Hallelujah! I'm FREE!!! (LOL)
This blog post is a continuation of the piece:
MARRIAGE 101 - GOD'S MARITAL PLAN FOR YOU (CHAPTER ONE)
I
started it last month and promised to finish it, but its been a long
time coming. Today, I will be rounding it up!Inspiration for this series
came from the my study of Malachi 2:11-16 however, we will be looking at verses 12-16 today -
12. The Lord will cast out of the tents of Jacob to the last man those who do this [evil thing], the master and the servant [or the pupil] alike, even him who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts.
13. And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives], and with [your own] weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favor at your hand.
14. Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows].
15. And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.
16. For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].
(AMP)
ATTITUDE TO YOUR MARRIAGE PARTNER
As I stated in the Part I of this series, I draw up this model of marriage from exactly what the Bible dictates that marriage should be. In Colosians 3:18-19, Paul states "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." This singular verse has caused a lot of rancour within the Church. A lot of husbands expect their wives to bow down before them, kiss their feet and even call them "Abba Father"! Please dear readers, (especially us men)... please note that the Bible said wives should SUBMIT themselves to you. Now in some other versions, it says SUBJECT. Women it did not say EQUATE, Men it did not say SUBJUGATE! It said SUBJECT/SUBMIT!
TO MEN In the study of semantics involved in this verse, I discovered that there exists a GREAT difference between 'subject' and 'subjugate'! Some men subjugate, harass, oppress and repress their wives. This is an aberration of the highest order! When God was creating the woman for the man, He took a rib from Adam and formed her therefore biologically speaking, your wife is an extension of you. I am 1000% sure that when God was creating man, He didn't create her in the form of a punching bag for OBVIOUS reasons! I have read about and even seen some men perform the most hideous acts to their wives. A woman who you claimed you married because you LOVED her! Where did she go wrong, what could she have possibly done? In all honesty, the inhumane manner in which some men treat their wives sometimes brings one to tears! You just think to yourself, "how did this woman end up with this man?" "who did she offend that cursed her with a beast like this?!" When I was much younger, I witnessed the most gruesome scene I have ever seen in my life... for one reason or the other, a man was driving out of his compound and his wife, WIFE! hung precariously from his car door and he was in motion, top speed! I was probably 8 years old then. I remember my mum was driving as we had just come back from an evening service and it was getting dark. She double-crossed the man to bring his car to a stop and intervene in the issue. That scene gripped my heart so much, I cried. What could that woman have possibly done to deserve such travesty of love!
I'm pretty sure by now, a majority of my married male readers will be like "ugh! see this small child! You don't know anything! Wait till you're married! You will see how women can get under the skin!" I am sure no one is perfect, but I'm surer (permit móí) that no one deserves such inhumane treatment, talk less of from a husband to a wife (for whom he was made to protect, love, nurture and pamper!) I have no marriage experience, but I have had my own fair share of ups and downs in relationships (even a broken heart!) and I never went 'voltron' on anyone! We men should note one thing:
NO SITUATION IS PERMANENT! No matter the problem, challenge, hardship, etc you are facing with your wife today, JOY will surely come in the morning. Man-up and be the 'sane one'. if she is talking and nagging your head off, excuse her from the room or house, give her time to cool off (but come back to her), if she is being stubborn, problematic, insubordinate, etc, try to get to the root-cause of the issue! Usually, her behaviour may be put up as a response or defence against a particular action of yours. In one of your solemn hours, try to get her reasons for behaving or acting in certain ways. 80% of the time, it is something you have done or are doing knowingly or unknowingly! Always put yourself in her shoes, always ask yourself, "whats going on in her mind right now?", "how is she feeling right now?" When you have done a honest evaluation of the situation and arrived at a conclusion pointing to you as the cause or any other factor, please work it out! Do not overreact to her tantrums. I know it may not be easy, but being a man means 'being in charge'! YOU DO NOT PROVE AUTHORITY BY BRUTALITY! RESPECT IS COMMANDED, NOT DEMANDED! (Shoutout to the Holy Ghost for those punchlines...ladies always remind your husbands of these! lol)!
Now TO WOMEN the most wonderful specie in the world! I dunno where we will all be without you! Maybe we wont even be here... Maybe by this time Adam will just be swinging from one tree to another, with Abu the monkey following close by. He'll be bored as hell and will have lived some billion years with no life, no goal, no job, no money, no HONEY! *wink* Infact you know what I think? I believe that God put y'all purposefully on this Earth to eat that apple and bring about 'development'. Honestly if it were only Adam that tree will still be there intact, untouched and he will still be wearing leaves dancing to some monkey tunes! God knew y'all would help the world in 'your own little way' so he put you here and true to His foresight, what He saw came to pass! Or do you think He didn't know that Eve will eat the forbidden fruit before she did? All na part of God plan! :D
To be honest, I love women! I cannot pin-point a major reason but I know it would be a cumulative effect of my mum's heavy involvement in my early upbringing then the ever delicate, sensitive and beautiful nature of women.
To all the women, ladies and girls reading this, note and remember these three things:
1. You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
2. Your husband is your HEAD (not your master, not your slave, your HEAD!)
3. You have a 'Nature'. This nature is special and unique to only you. I will not claim to have an avid understanding of it (as no one does!) but I will tell you that it is a key factor in any relationship you enter. Your knowledge, acknowledgement and management of this nature will determine the cause of every single relationship you form. This nature is unique to you females, but different in each person. It consists of those things that turn you off and on and in totality, it is an embodiment of your being. Your ability to change from one emotion to the other in matter of seconds (mood swing) is just one of the many features of this nature. The fact that a woman is more sensitive to physical, mental and emotional challenges when pregnant cannot be overemphasized and the fact that she will react times ten raise to the power of hundred to any such situations is indisputable! The average female undergoes so many cycles in her life, and they all influence both her psyche and reasoning. I will not digress from the main topic seeing I'm not a biologist but a 'basic' understanding of how your body works will indeed help you cushion the effects of many situations that will arise in your relationship with your husband, friends, colleagues, etc. Now you may ask why I brought up a biological view in examining God's plan for your marriage. Let me paint this picture for you. You as a lady can connect to a situation wherein there was conflict or argument and you in one way or the other 'over-reacted' to the other person! Infact when you finally relaxed and came to terms with the situation, you regretted your response. That is another feature of this nature.
Now knowing that you have it when situations come, especially between you and your husband try to ensure that NO LASTING NEGATIVE IMPRESSIONS ARE MADE & NO PERMANENT DAMAGE IS DONE! Why? Because after some time, you will calm down, come around and discover that really the issue you were both arguing over ain't even worth it! I got this message for you straight from the throne of God via His Holy Spirit so please kindly pay good attention... In the heat of a matter, some ladies have literally destroyed their marriages and relationships with their tongues and actions! I heard of a lady who waited for about 35 years before a suitor could locate her. Before then her family had prayed and prayed but not until 35 before she found a man who wanted to settle down with her! Now he proposed, and plans for the wedding begun. On one of those days, he took her out for lunch in one of the eateries, they ordered their meals and began to talk and eat. Mid-way the feast, the walls of the eatery echoed with a resounding slap! All eyes turned to the to-be couples... the woman for one reason or the other had SLAPPED her husband to be right there in the eatery! Dear reader, this is not a joke or made-up story! As God is my witness it actually happened and I was told by a most reliable source. After the slap, the man got up and drove away...she never All the wedding plans and things that had been bought went into the drain! That was the end of that wedding! Now I'd want you to think of anything the man could have said to generate such terrible response on the part of that lady? Have you gotten it? Now ask yourself, did he really deserve the slap? Honestly, I thought up the worst thing he could possibly say and in my mind, he still didn't deserve a slap! NO! Not from his wife to be! If he deserved the slap in your mind, then my sister you need to PRAY! You need to pray God to change your heart because no one will marry you and if an unlucky man falls into your trap, he will not stay! No sane person enters into a marriage with the aim of divorcing their partner in 5, 10 or 15 years time! No one... but yet it is still happening! I will leave you with some more words of advice from a woman whose views I respect so much. She has these to say:
"When a man does his best to love you and even looses himself in doing so don't subdue him or take him for granted! Remember that the small serpent in Genesis grew into the mighty dragon in Revelations. Love grows, so does resent. Let your attitude and behaviour towards your man speak virtue into your relationship and marriage. Never forget, he's your CROWN!"
- Uchechukwu M. E.
We need to develop great UNDERSTANDING of ourselves first, then the partner we have married or are chosing to marry. TWO WRONGS WILL NEVER MAKE A RIGHT! An issue or behaviour of your partner may really be irritating or really pinching you BUT always WAIT TO REACT! I have learnt one thing in this life; 'NEVER REACT OR MAKE A DECISION WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY'. In all honesty a majority of all the wrong decisions and steps I have taken were made when I was angry. When you are reacting to your partner, please ensure you have that person's FEELINGS in mind! You see, your relationship/marriage is like your skin. When you injure it, you may stop the bleeding and the wound may heal but the scar will never go away. The more you scar it, the harder it gets and the harder it gets, the more INSENSITIVE it gets and the more insensitive it gets, the less love is generated and when the love starts to degenerate, affection for each other starts running low and soon, you are living in the house with a stranger! it is in this dilemma so many people find themselves that they go to court to get a divorce citing IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES! I pray that this will not be my portion or the portion of everyone reading this piece in Jesus name,,,AMEN! You will know why I prayed this prayerin the next post!
PS: If you enjoyed this piece, please kindly share it (FACEBOOK, TWITTER, GOOGLE+) to others. Let people know of these facts and hidden mysteries of life. Let's join hands to make our world a haven of peace, joy and LOVE!
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